The end of the first series. Mandy has trouble with a fake octopus, and Katy has trouble with a real lobster. (Stay tuned for the second series next week, when we’ll be in the 80s.)
(CONTENT WARNING: This story will deal with sexual violence and mental illness. See Help Links for more information about these issues.)
MANDY: Once again, there are some episodes missing, so we’ve jumped straight to the last one.
KATY: Oh dear, I’m over-acting here.
MANDY: I think it works. It shows that the stakes are very high. It was nearly the end of the series, and they could have bumped me off.
KATY: At least we got it over with quickly. These days they’d stop the action for ages so that everyone can say their tearful farewells. It’s very silly if you think about it. Oh, that was spectacular.
MANDY: Of course, it was really Ian Slaith in my costume. Someone else had to get into that awful tail for a change. Mary Whitehouse was worried that children might copy it and drown.
KATY: I wish she’d drowned.
MANDY: Oh, Katy, that’s not very nice. Now, this bit was in the tank at Ealing.
KATY: I’m glad I didn’t- Oh! I wasn’t expecting that.
MANDY: I suppose this must have been the cliffhanger.
KATY: Did you ever imagine that your job would be wrestling an octopus?
MANDY: I still can’t believe I got paid to do this. Acting is never as glamorous as people think. I’ve been cold and wet, and I’ve had to do some ridiculous things, but I love it.
KATY: I think you’re winning. I was over-acting for nothing.
MANDY: The other monsters are still to come.
MANDY: Doesn’t the officer look dishy in that uniform? … I know him. He was in a pop group in the sixties. … Vicky and James loved him. He hosted a quiz for children. … And he used to do impressions. He was very funny. … He sings and dances too. He was in the West End. … He was always at the Royal Variety Performance. … Ohhh, it’s on the tip of my tongue.
KATY: Would you like me to tell you?
MANDY: Have you known all along?
KATY: Steve Ledge.
MANDY: Of course.
KATY: I saw his Bottom in Regent’s Park.
MANDY: (GROANS). I should explain that Katy means his part in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, not … you know.
KATY: There’s Ron Peaklow again.
MANDY: Oh yes. Have we seen Ted yet?
KATY: He must be around somewhere. You’re still in the water tank.
MANDY: Yes, it was very hard work.
KATY: Is this a cave?
MANDY: Oh yes. It’s where the monsters lived. …
KATY: That’s such a hackneyed line. Even Derek should have known better.
MANDY: Well, I was coming in peace. Now I’ve got to persuade them to be nice.
KATY: It’s not going to work, is it?
MANDY: We have to try.
KATY: You’re playing it very well.
MANDY: It was awfully hard to react to a balloon, but I managed it.
KATY: Who’s doing the monster voice?
MANDY: I’m not sure. They put that in later, which made it even harder for me.
KATY: I know it’s not Roy Skelton. He would have been much better.
MANDY: My children loved Zippy and George.
KATY: … Where man cannot go? Are you inviting them to live in the ladies’ loos?
MANDY: Man still meant people in those days.
KATY: But it didn’t really. It said that only men counted as people.
MANDY: He seems happy enough with it. Sea monsters can be perfectly reasonable if you give them a chance.
KATY: And now you’ve got to swim back through the tank. Watch out for the octopus.
MANDY: Oh, but there’s mutiny afoot.
KATY: There’s not going to be a whole scene with just balloons talking to each other, is there?
MANDY: It’s important for the plot.
KATY: They’re speaking so slowly. It’s excruciating.
MANDY: I suppose it was the only way they could fill the time.
KATY: Oh, what a death scene. It’s riveting.
MANDY: Well, you can’t expect too much. Here’s dishy Steve Ledge again. I used to love the group he was in.
KATY: They were quite good. The Beatles were the best.
MANDY: Oh yes. I adored Paul.
KATY: No, John was better. Except when he sang about murdering his girlfriend.
MANDY: Which song was that?
KATY: It was on Rubber Soul.
MANDY: Oh, I see. I didn’t have any LPs.
KATY: Awkward cut. … How did you do that?
MANDY: I could do all sorts of things with my mind powers.
KATY: I haven’t seen you blow up a monster before.
MANDY: I think it was supposed to be a last resort.
KATY: Mind message!
MANDY: That was always very handy.
KATY: Action stations!
MANDY: Ron is wonderful here. He’s just like a sergeant-major.
KATY: We had to go again there because some nudists came into shot.
MANDY: I didn’t know where to look.
KATY: Mary Whitehouse would have loved it.
MANDY: We haven’t seen Glyn Owen in this one.
KATY: I think I must have shot him. I’m sure there was a bit where I had to shoot him. Here they come. There are six of them! And another six over there. And another six. I loved doing this bit. They let me have a proper machine gun.
MANDY: But you don’t like violence.
KATY: It was only pretend.
MANDY: The guns were ever so loud. I was almost deafened.
KATY: And the flashes from the powder. I almost set my hair on fire.
MANDY: That would have been quite spectacular. Not that this isn’t spectacular. Being shot like a documentary does make it seem more authentic. It’s almost like the news. … All these big bangs. Lots of fun for boys, I imagine. It does go on a bit. … That really is me on the stretcher. This bit is so lovely. … Are you alright Katy? I know this is near where …
KATY: Yes. The lobster incident.
MANDY: I’ve never forgiven myself for letting that happen to you. I just stood there. I didn’t know what to do.
KATY: It wasn’t your fault. They did it.
MANDY: It was very cruel.
KATY: A bucket of water is one thing, but that … I was a wreck.
MANDY: You did very well to get through it.
KATY: Going back to rep did me the world of good.
MANDY: You always did love the theatre, didn’t you?
KATY: Yes, but you did lots more telly after this.
MANDY: Well, you see, once I’d had my children, I found that small parts suited me very well. Especially in the film series, because there weren’t any rehearsals.
KATY: I can’t imagine how anyone copes with babies.
MANDY: Well, I’d had lots of practice with my little brother. Now, this is the end of the series, but not the end of Time Girls.
KATY: Perhaps it should have been.
MANDY: We’ll be back soon with series two, and none of that has gone missing.
KATY: Oh joy.
MANDY: Until then, it’s goodbye from me.
KATY: And goodbye from her.